How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
