Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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