Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
