The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
