Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
