Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
