apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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