My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize