So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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