how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When did angry sex become our thing?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
