I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
