I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
