Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
