Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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