You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
