You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
