he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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