Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
