i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
