I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
