you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
