mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
