when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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