its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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