relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i believe in u and ur pee
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
