i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
