Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
