Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
