if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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