i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
