did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
