nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
