***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i permit you to call me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
