I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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