You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
