Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
