Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
