She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize