so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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