oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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