So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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