So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
