I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
