I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
