Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
