Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
