I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
