matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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