today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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