apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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