are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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