i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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