She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize