so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
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Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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