i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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