Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
