# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
