I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
