I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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