Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
bring money and cleavage
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
