The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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