I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
soo... how was my night?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
