my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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