if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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