I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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