The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
