Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize