I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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