here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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