The maid of honor just puked.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
